A cowboy goes into a bar, has a beer, walks outside and finds his horse has been stolen. He walks back into the bar, fires his gun through the ceiling. “Which one of you mothers stole my hoss?” he yells. No one answers. “All right, I’m gonna have one more beer and if my hoss ain’t outside by the time I finish, I’m gonna do what I dun in Texas.” He drinks another beer, walks outside, and his horse is back. So he gets on it and gets ready to ride out of town. The bartender walks out of the bar and asks, “Say pardner, what happened in Texas?” The cowboy turns to him, and says, “I had to bloody walk home.”

While browsing the web, I came upon an entry called “Top 10 Signs Your Boyfriend/Girlfriend might be into Animal Love”. Needless to say, that little article had me laughing and rolling over in a matter of seconds and it had inspired me to write my version of it, the guy’s point of view anyway. I may post the girl’s point of view version of it soon. And if enough replies are posted, I might even add more. Anyway, enjoy them! I know, I did while doing it.
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Signs Your Girlfriend is a Secret Animal Lover

10. When she comes over to your house she ignores you and snuggles up to your pet Schnauzer(the DOG, you pervert!!!!) and says “Hello, handsome, wanna play?”

9. You take a take at her diary by stealth and learn that the handsome 14-inch cock stallion she was fucking out with in the race derbies while you were away, was actually a REAL horse.

8. You were browsing this website for a “quickie” and you see her picture being fucked by that dog you gave her last Christmas ago.

7. Having sex with her in “doggy-style” actually involves a REAL dog.

6. She is happy when you tell her about you have to go away for the weekend and you need her to look after your dog. The dog also seems to be awfully “excited and happy” for some reason.

5. When she says she sleeps with her dog, you hope that’s all she does.

4: She actually has orgasms while watching the Animal Planet Special Big Cats”.

3. You discover that is actually a VERY active member of this website. And she’s been sending pictures and stories about bestiality for quite sometime now. (Hmmm, now WHO could that be…? *hint* *hint*).

2. When she tells you to fuck her pussy, she means that huge white Siberian Tiger she had chained up by the bed and not her.

And the number one sign that Your Girlfriend is a Secret Animal Lover…..

1. She screams out her dog’s name while having sex with you.

Guess what? I got ya another one! Don’t go crazy now!!!

A big black bud
banged a big black bear,
made the big black bear
bleed blood.

Signs your Boyfriend Suspects that You’re a Closet Animal Lover

10: He insists on having the dog he gave you last Chirstmas be neutered at once and when asked he just mutters, “Better to be safe than sorry…”

9: He thinks that you had something to do about the way his pet eel died when you were looking after his apartment while he was away.

8: You look at his computer and notice that he bookmarked “Signs That Your Girlfriend is an Animal Lover” page from a website. You also note that he also bookmarked “Signs Your Girlfriend Suspects that You’re a Closet Animal Lover” from THIS site.

7: You have a fight with him after you and your girlfriend went to an aquarium exhibit. Later after you two made up and are having sex, he looks at you suspiciously in the eye and asks, “Honey, why does your pussy smell fishy?”

6: He won’t take you to the zoo anymore.

5: He won’t let you on the couch any more….

4: When you tell him you sleep with the dog, he hopes that’s all you do.

3: You tell him that the reason you were late was because you got detained by the police and he asks, “Which one, the Horse Patrol Unit of the K9 Unit?”

2: You spend countless hours that the girl in the internet picture fucking a dog is not you and it was your evil twin sister (yeah right!!!) who is trying to break up your relationship.

And the number one sign that Your Boyfriend suspects that you are a closet Animal Lover…

1: He growls at every dog that passes by saying, “Stay away from MY bitch, you mutts!”

Signs your girlfriend Suspects that You’re a Closet Animal Lover

10: When she comes over to your house, she runs into your room with a sledge hammer and bashes your German Shepherd, Shasha, all the while saying, “Stop trying to steal my boyfriend, you fucking BITCH!!!!”

9: When she comes over to your house she ignores you and snuggles up to your Schnauzer(the DOG, you pervert!!!!) says “Hello, handsome, wanna play?” in order to make you jealous.

8: She buys you a chain and a leash for your birthday and instead of the usual necktie.

7: You tell her that you went to goof off for a while and rushes to the phone, checking out all of the zoos, animal shelters and stables in the area for any “unusual activity that happened within 24 hours.”

6: She took you to the vet instead of the doctor when you got sick with the flu.

5: She won’t let you on the couch any more….

4: When you tell her you sleep with the dog, she hopes that’s all you do.

3: Whenever a hot sexy dogwalker passes by the two of you, she gets jealous of the dogs, not the chick.

2: You spend countless hours that the guy in the internet picture fucking a dog is not you and it was your evil twin brother (yeah right!!!) who is trying to break up your relationship.

And the number one sign that Your Girlfriend suspects that you are a closet Animal Lover…

1: You wake up from a wild night of having sex with her and discover that she had you locked up in a cage with a doghouse while you were sleeping.

Hey! I got ya another one. Enjoy!!!

Peter Fucker fucked a flock of fuckered fowlers.
Did Peter Fucker fuck a flock of fuckered fowlers?
If Peter Fucker fucked a flock of fucked fowlers,
where’s the flock of fuckered fowlers Peter Fucker fucked?

I got ya another one!!! Enjoy!!!

Once a fellow sucked a foal of Yellow
In a field of beans. Said a fellow to a foal of Yellow, “If a fellow sucks a foal of Yellow,
Can a foal of Yellow suck
a fellow sucker of a foal of Yellow?”

Reasons Why Fucking Horses is Better than Fucking Humans

Horses don’t give you AIDS.

They don’t make you pregnant either.

You can ride them as long as you want.

They are BIG.

They have lots of stamina(unlike some men I know….).

They are really BIG.

You can suck and bang them at the same time.

They are really, REALLY, BIG.

They don’t gossip and brag about they’re sex life with other to get soothe their egos.

They are REALLY FUCKING BIG.